Graciously Guarded

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” {Proverbs 4:23}

I cannot count on one hand the times I have sat through a Bible study centered around the above verse. Guard your heart. Keep it safe. Don’t let it be touched. Save it.

Looking back, I’m slightly abhorred at the way I received this command. So many times I was shown the visual of the “paper heart.” You know…the one where your small group leader cuts out a heart-shaped piece of paper, and explains that each time you give away a piece of your heart you’re left with less (specifically, less to give to your future husband, who you ought to be saving yourself for and thinking about, even though you’re only in the sixth grade). At the completion of the paper heart illustration, so many pieces have been ripped off (or given away), that only a small, ugly sliver remains. And who would want that small, ugly sliver? That’s clearly not something to be treasured or joyfully received. Your future husband would be so disappointed to receive such a mangled and broken heart. So guard it.

Guard it indeed. That’s exactly what I did…but not in a way that was helpful. Guarded came across as cold-hearted, and sometimes I wonder if there was really any difference at all. I became proficient at keeping people at arm’s length. It was not until the walls around my heart had been breached that I understood Proverbs 4:23. I never took offense to the paper heart illustration, until I had actually given significant pieces of my heart. To understand what it meant to guard my heart, I first had to let my guard down, and allow myself to be at the liberty of another. And thus, my guarded heart was broken.

In recognizing my brokenness I had to wonder…Am I damaged goods? Is a deeply disappointed, confused, hurting, and unstable heart anything worth treasuring? Was the heart I had given away even worth fighting for anymore? Would my future relationships be affected by this, since I already felt another person to be a part of me?

In this experience I tasted two most distinct outblooms. The first was bitterness; the final is grace. And that grace is what saves me from that small, ugly sliver.  

In my hurt and healing, I learned that a broken heart is not damaged goods, and that a guarded heart can be a broken heart, too. A broken heart does not mean you have less to offer, like that small, ugly sliver of a heart-shaped paper assumes. A broken heart might even have more to offer. A broken heart is a deep heart. Its mangled corners are character. Its bruises are compassion. Its twists and turns and intents become all the more complex, but isn’t that all the more beautiful? What was meant to break your heart actually builds it. It expands your heart exponentially, if you let it.  In giving away a piece of my heart, I gained even more. That piece of my heart may never be returned, and that’s OK. It was a gift, and that’s the point! By selfishly keeping our hearts behind protective walls, we do a disservice to ourselves and others. In opening up ourselves to others and sharing life together, we help each other to grow. As we put our safety at risk in order to allow our hearts to touch others, something holy happens.

Being broken has taught my heart to love more deeply and diversely than I had ever imagined possible. I can now look back with fondness on the experiences of joy and trust that got my heart involved enough to be hurt, and I thank God for His gracious hand at work in both the pleasure and the pain. I also thank God for allowing my heart to break, so that it might have more room for compassion and grace.   I learned that it is not other people we are to guard our hearts against; rather, it is the demons of bitterness and anger. The people around us have the capacity to enrich our lives and make our hearts more beautiful. Bitterness and anger sure do like to get in the way of that.

So by all means, guard your heart. But don’t guard it with walls. Guard it with grace. Guard it with grace to forgive, grace to restore, grace to learn, and grace to love all the more. It’s not too late. Treasure your already treasured heart by finding the space for grace. By doing this, we open ourselves to being hurt, knowing that the ultimate result is beautiful beyond compare.

May everything we do flow from grace.